Correction/ Cover Letter

Correction/ Cover Letter
Message de aaaallleex posté le 12-12-2014 à 18:08:22 (S | E | F)
Hello,
I tried to write a cover letter for a young trainee opportunity, but English is not my mother tongue and I'd like to have your opinions.
Any advice or correction is welcome.
Thanks in advance.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have the pleasure to write this letter to express my intent to join the Young Graduate Trainee at XXXX, in the field of flight dynamics. I recently completed, in October, my master's degree in Aeronautics and Space engineering at XXXX University. Through my research and professional training, I have acquired knowledge and skills particularly related to Fluid Mechanics, Solid Mechanics and Thermal but my interest has shifted to space domain, in particular with space mechanics course.

That is why I chose to participate in three months project, which had to aim the definition of the stabilization wheel features for the nano-satellite XXX lead by my school in partnership with the Astrophysics Laboratory of XXXX. In order to realize this project, we (with two others students) wrote and computed, using quaternions, the dynamic equations of satellite on its orbit, and equations of disturbance torque models (drag, gradient of gravity, magnetic torque, solar radiations). Finally, we were able to show disturbance torques effects on satellite behaviors, and also to display its motion on orbit using VTS (Visualization Tools for Space Data). Working with other people towards a common goal is something I enjoyed a lot and believe is a great advantage in many cases.

I chose to continue in this way by entering at the XXXX for my final internship. I was in charge of finding a model able to reproduce the Ariane 5 ME propellant behaviors during its ballistic phase. Therefore I created software reproducing launcher behavior on its orbit, disturbing by propellants motion. I tried different models (pendulum, spring-mass) to fit with expected propellant and launcher motion. Finally, this model was presented to XXXX, in charge of the pilot, which has accepted it to follow its study.

I whish work in space industry, in an international and multi cultural environment, and hope that my experiences will suite perfectly with your expectations. Being afforded the opportunity to intern with a prestigious firm such as XXXX, would be a great asset to me and an invaluable experience. I can be available at your convenience for an interview or to answer any questions. Attached please find my CV for your review and consideration along with my contact information.

Thanks so much for your consideration. I hope to hear from you in the near future.

Best Regards,

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Edited by lucile83 on 12-12-2014 18:33

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Réponse: Correction/ Cover Letter de here4u, postée le 12-12-2014 à 23:42:05 (S | E)
Hello !

Dear Sir or Madam,

I have the pleasure to write(of writing) this letter to express my intent to join the Young Graduate Trainee (Program?) at XXXX, in the field of flight dynamics. I recently completed, in October, my mMaster's degree in Aeronautics and Space engineering at XXXX University. Through my research and professional training, I have acquired knowledge and skills, particularly related to Fluid Mechanics, Solid Mechanics and Thermal(noun?) but my interest has shifted to XXX space domain, in particular with XX space mechanics course.

That is why I chose to participate in X three months project, which had to aim at the definition of the stabilization wheel features for the nano-satellite XXX lead by my school in partnership with the Astrophysics Laboratory of XXXX. In order to realize this project, we (with two others students) wrote and computed, using quaternions, the dynamic equations of satellite on its orbit, and equations of disturbance torque models (drag, gradient of gravity, magnetic torque, solar radiations). Finally, we were able to show XXX disturbance torques effects on satellite behaviors, and also to display its(Whose motion ?) motion on orbit using VTS (Visualization Tools for Space Data). Working with other people towards a common goal is something I enjoyed a lot and believe is a great advantage in many cases.

I chose to continue in this way by entering at the XXXX for my final internship. I was in charge of finding a model able to reproduce the Ariane 5 ME propellant behaviors during its ballistic phase. Therefore I created software reproducing (A?)launcher behavior on its orbit, disturbing by propellants motion. I tried different models (pendulum, spring-mass) to fit with expected propellant and launcher motion. Finally, this model was presented to XXXX, in charge of the pilot, which(who's which ? Are you sure, 'it's' a 'which') has accepted (it) to follow its study.

I whish to work in the space industry, in an international and multi cultural environment, and hope that my experiences will suite perfectly with your expectations. Being afforded(given) the opportunity to (be an ?)intern with a prestigious firm such as XXXX, would be a great asset to me and an invaluable experience.

I can be available at your convenience for an interview or to answer any questions. Attached please find my CV(word order) for your review and consideration along with my contact information.

I Thanks you very ... much for your consideration.(again ...?) (I hope to hear from you in the near future.)
I'm looking forward to hearing from ......
Best Regards,

Je ne garantis pas les détails très techniques ... Hope it will help anyway ...

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Réponse: Correction/ Cover Letter de aaaallleex, postée le 13-12-2014 à 11:56:54 (S | E)
Hello,
Thank you for these corrections here4u. But I think my letter is too technical and doesn't explain so much my motivation. I'm working on it.
I have a question about translation in my cv. I use bullet points to enumerate my achievement. I want to use one to say: I found and wrote equations of the launcher trajectory on its orbit. Is "• equated launcher trajectory on its orbit" correct?
Thanks.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 13-12-2014 12:20

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