Lettre motivation/Correction
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Message de bastien13 posté le 08-01-2015 à 22:49:48 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Je dois réaliser une lettre de motivation afin de faire partie d'un voyage scolaire aux Etats-Unis.
Pourriez-vous corriger les fautes présentes dans cette lettre?
Merci d'avance!
Dear Madam or Sir,
Under the exchange program with the high school in the city of Brookline, I would like to ask me for this project.
Go in the United States would allow me to know a different culture than what I know, to be able to learn and deepen my spoken English during fifteen.
I'm already gone on a school trip to England and I realized that the best way to master a language was to go in a country to communicate with the inhabitants, and to be confronted with their way of life, as well as their traditions and their culture.
I learn English from the age of 8 years, and I am motivated to progress and deepen my knowledge.
I want to make this trip to the United States, and I know it is for me a unique opportunity to enrich myself in contact with different people, interesting and exciting.
I'm an autonomous, serious, and motivated person.
This exchange would allow me to discover particularly the organization of a school in the United States.
In my view, New York is the most beautiful city of the world both in its diversity and its landscape, so I don't know if I would have the chance to travel in this great country.
The Harvard University is one of the largest and most prestigious US universities, and it would be a privilege to visit the campus.
Finally, this exchange would allow me to do see customs and French cultures to an American high school student.
I would be proud to be part of this project, by thanking you for you consideration of my candidacy, I beg you to believe, Dear, the expression of my highest consideration.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2015 23:35
Message de bastien13 posté le 08-01-2015 à 22:49:48 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
Je dois réaliser une lettre de motivation afin de faire partie d'un voyage scolaire aux Etats-Unis.
Pourriez-vous corriger les fautes présentes dans cette lettre?
Merci d'avance!
Dear Madam or Sir,
Under the exchange program with the high school in the city of Brookline, I would like to ask me for this project.
Go in the United States would allow me to know a different culture than what I know, to be able to learn and deepen my spoken English during fifteen.
I'm already gone on a school trip to England and I realized that the best way to master a language was to go in a country to communicate with the inhabitants, and to be confronted with their way of life, as well as their traditions and their culture.
I learn English from the age of 8 years, and I am motivated to progress and deepen my knowledge.
I want to make this trip to the United States, and I know it is for me a unique opportunity to enrich myself in contact with different people, interesting and exciting.
I'm an autonomous, serious, and motivated person.
This exchange would allow me to discover particularly the organization of a school in the United States.
In my view, New York is the most beautiful city of the world both in its diversity and its landscape, so I don't know if I would have the chance to travel in this great country.
The Harvard University is one of the largest and most prestigious US universities, and it would be a privilege to visit the campus.
Finally, this exchange would allow me to do see customs and French cultures to an American high school student.
I would be proud to be part of this project, by thanking you for you consideration of my candidacy, I beg you to believe, Dear, the expression of my highest consideration.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-01-2015 23:35
Réponse: Lettre motivation/Correction de here4u, postée le 09-01-2015 à 15:06:32 (S | E)
Hello !
Here we go !
Dear Madam or Sir,
Under the exchange program with the high school in the city of Brookline (Mass.), I would like to ask me for this project.
Go in the United States would allow me to know a different culture than what I know, to be able to learn and deepen my spoken English during fifteen ??? (for 2 weeks ? ).
I'm already gone on a school trip to England and I realized that the best way to master a language was to go in a country to communicate with the inhabitants, and to be confronted with their way of life, as well as their traditions and their culture.
I learn English from the age of 8 years, and I am motivated to progress and deepen my knowledge.
I want to make this trip to the United States, and I know it is for me a unique opportunity to enrich myself in contact with different people, interesting and exciting.
I'm an autonomous, serious, and motivated person.
This exchange would allow me to discover (particularly)
the organization of a school in the United States.In my view, New York (Is it Brooklyn ? or Brookline ? not the same at all ! ) is the most beautiful city of the world both in its diversity and its landscape, so I don't know if I would have the chance to travel in XX this great country.
The Harvard University (Hum hum ... Now, you're near Boston ! ) is one of the largest and most prestigious US universities, and it would be a privilege to visit the campus. (It is quite fabulous ...)
Finally, this exchange would allow me to do see(MONTRER) customs and French cultures to an American high school student.
I would be proud to be part of this project,.
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Réponse: Lettre motivation/Correction de bastien13, postée le 09-01-2015 à 22:47:53 (S | E)
Merci pour cette correction!
Réponse: Lettre motivation/Correction de sherry48, postée le 10-01-2015 à 14:37:00 (S | E)
Hello.
In addition to here4u's corrections, I have some more suggestions.
1. I think it's Brookline, MA, (my own state) not Brooklyn, NY, right?...I would like to apply....
2. I want to make this trip to the United States, and I know it is for me a unique opportunity to enrich myself...(Since you have myself, you don't really need 'for me.')
3....in contact with different people, interesting and exciting. These adjectives could be better placed.
4.
5....customs and French cultures to an American high school student. Plural?
6.Thank you for considering me as a candidate
Sherry
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