Lettre motivation/correction
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Message de banzai22 posté le 28-10-2015 à 12:03:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ,
j'ai énormément de mal à faire des phrases sans fautes et qui ont un sens explicite en anglais.
Si quelqu'un veut bien jeter un coup d’œil pour voir au moins voir les grosses fautes .
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
I am currently doing a two-year post-A-level study in marketing techniques at the University Institute of Technology . I’m looking for a work placement from the 2nd May to the 3th June 2015 and I would be grateful if I can make this placement in your company.
xxx is the ambassador brand for children's fashion. The opening of lot stores allows promoting the French clothes in the whole world. Jacadi improve the childhood and makes of the entire child a little fashion addict. Each parent can find whatever they want and that’s it who inspired me.
With my formation, I will acquire some qualities in business functions. We explore of different part of marketing and management. Thank of this formation we would adapt easily to the professional world.
My summer job in a large retail learned sense of responsibility and I wish to implement my skills in your company. I would be highly motivated to be actively involved with your firm and discover more exactly the sector of the sale.
Thank you for your time and attention please let me know if I can answer any questions
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-10-2015 15:51
Message de banzai22 posté le 28-10-2015 à 12:03:41 (S | E | F)
Bonjour ,
j'ai énormément de mal à faire des phrases sans fautes et qui ont un sens explicite en anglais.
Si quelqu'un veut bien jeter un coup d’œil pour voir au moins voir les grosses fautes .
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide.
I am currently doing a two-year post-A-level study in marketing techniques at the University Institute of Technology . I’m looking for a work placement from the 2nd May to the 3th June 2015 and I would be grateful if I can make this placement in your company.
xxx is the ambassador brand for children's fashion. The opening of lot stores allows promoting the French clothes in the whole world. Jacadi improve the childhood and makes of the entire child a little fashion addict. Each parent can find whatever they want and that’s it who inspired me.
With my formation, I will acquire some qualities in business functions. We explore of different part of marketing and management. Thank of this formation we would adapt easily to the professional world.
My summer job in a large retail learned sense of responsibility and I wish to implement my skills in your company. I would be highly motivated to be actively involved with your firm and discover more exactly the sector of the sale.
Thank you for your time and attention please let me know if I can answer any questions
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Modifié par lucile83 le 28-10-2015 15:51
Réponse: Lettre motivation/correction de deutschess, postée le 01-11-2015 à 16:46:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici en bleu vos erreurs et en vert quelques suggestions
I am currently doing (vocabulaire) a two-year post-A-level study in marketing techniques at the University Institute of Technology (peut-être préciser laquelle ?) .
I’m looking for a work placement from the 2nd May to the 3th (revoir "ordinal numbers" en 1) June 2015 and I would be grateful if I can (mauvais temps, c'est le conditionnel type 2 voir 2) make this placement in your company.
1 : Ordinal numbers
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2 : Le conditionnel 2
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La phrase soulignée est correcte mais un peu maladroite voici quelques suggestions pour exprimer la même idée :
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xxx is the ambassador brand for children's fashion.
Je suis désolée mais je ne comprends pas cette phrase... Clarifiez ?
The opening of lot (voir 3) stores allows promoting the (pluriel = pas d'article) French clothes in the whole world.
3 : a lot of/ lots of/ a lot
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Jacadi improve (mettre à la 3ème personne) the childhood and makes of (pas de préposition) the entire child a little fashion addict. (voir 4)
4 : Si vous voulez dire "transforme tous les enfants en fashion addicts" il faut :
- changer le verbe "make" voir :
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+
- retirer l'article "the" (pas d'article avec un pluriel)
- remplacer "entire" par une des expressions suivantes
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- mettre "a little fashion addict" au pluriel
Each parent can find whatever they want and that’s it who (mauvais pronom) inspired me.
With my formation, I will acquire some qualities (vocabulaire, cherchez "compétences" en anglais) in business functions.
We explore of (explore est un verbe transitif direct : to explore something) different part (pluriel) of marketing and management.
Thank of (revoir l'expression en 5) this formation we would (Vous parlez à la 1ere personne, pourquoi "we" ?) adapt easily to the professional world.
5 : Lien internet
My summer job in a large retail learned (vocabulaire, cherchez "enseigner" en anglais) (préposition) sense of responsibility and I wish to implement my skills in your company.
I would be highly motivated to be actively involved with your firm and discover more exactly (maladroit) the sector of the sale. (learn more about the business world ?)
Thank you for your time and attention please let me know if I can answer any questions
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