Correction/ Cover letter
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Message de meuge posté le 04-01-2017 à 22:21:28 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
Je postule pour un Bachelor en Angleterre et j'aurais besoin d'aide pour corriger ma lettre de motivation.
Je vous remercie d'avance (bon courage, c'est plutôt long )
As far as I can remember, I have always been interested in Hospitality Industry for its great variety and the contact it provides with people, both team and guests.
I have therefor decided to get into a one-year preparatory class in 2014 in XXX College – adress – before starting a two year college technical degree in Hospitality and Catering in the same school, I am currently a second-year student through distance learning programmes. Those studies gave me the essential knowledges, the sense of hospitality and the curiosity to learn more that I think will help me for my future career.
While I was studying, I choosed to get a student job as waitress for both financing my studies and learning more about the industry. I also had two internships included in my education.
For the first one, I was hired as waitress, chambermaid, housekeeper and restaurant greeter, each one during one month, at the XXX – adress. It gave me autonomy and made me realize it was easy for me to blend into teams and to adapt to the industry. All that made me even more enthousiastic about the hospitality industry. Moreover, it helped me choosing hospitality rather than catering. Indeed, to me, Hospitality industry gives great opportunities to evolve in my career. Besides, this porfessional sector is related to design that is one of my interests.
Then, I decided to dedicate my second internship to Hospitality. I was hired to be housekeeper during sixteen weeks in XXX – adress. There, I noticed how satisfaying it was to challenge, analyse and solve guests complains and I realized that I was able to lead and to get on well with a team easily. Indeed, the bigest part of my work as housekeeper was to manage a team of six chambermaids by motivating them and making them provide quality work with a pre-work briefing. As I used to control their work, I can say that it produced positive response.
Those professional experiences and my love of travel – I have been three weeks in xxx and one week in xxx – helped me improving my English. Another one of my hobbies is workout. It is helpfull both for relaxing and stay healthy, which is really important in such an industry.
In ten years, I would like to lead or possesse a luxury hotel, anywhere in the world, that I would like to discover. Both those goals could be achieved by studying International Hospitality and Tourism Management.
Moreover, I am a well-organized, hard-working, studious, enthousiastic and dedicated to my studies person and I think that it could help me to get into this course at your university.
Merci beaucoup, bonne soirée !
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Modifié par lucile83 le 04-01-2017 22:35
Message de meuge posté le 04-01-2017 à 22:21:28 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
Je postule pour un Bachelor en Angleterre et j'aurais besoin d'aide pour corriger ma lettre de motivation.
Je vous remercie d'avance (bon courage, c'est plutôt long )
As far as I can remember, I have always been interested in Hospitality Industry for its great variety and the contact it provides with people, both team and guests.
I have therefor decided to get into a one-year preparatory class in 2014 in XXX College – adress – before starting a two year college technical degree in Hospitality and Catering in the same school, I am currently a second-year student through distance learning programmes. Those studies gave me the essential knowledges, the sense of hospitality and the curiosity to learn more that I think will help me for my future career.
While I was studying, I choosed to get a student job as waitress for both financing my studies and learning more about the industry. I also had two internships included in my education.
For the first one, I was hired as waitress, chambermaid, housekeeper and restaurant greeter, each one during one month, at the XXX – adress. It gave me autonomy and made me realize it was easy for me to blend into teams and to adapt to the industry. All that made me even more enthousiastic about the hospitality industry. Moreover, it helped me choosing hospitality rather than catering. Indeed, to me, Hospitality industry gives great opportunities to evolve in my career. Besides, this porfessional sector is related to design that is one of my interests.
Then, I decided to dedicate my second internship to Hospitality. I was hired to be housekeeper during sixteen weeks in XXX – adress. There, I noticed how satisfaying it was to challenge, analyse and solve guests complains and I realized that I was able to lead and to get on well with a team easily. Indeed, the bigest part of my work as housekeeper was to manage a team of six chambermaids by motivating them and making them provide quality work with a pre-work briefing. As I used to control their work, I can say that it produced positive response.
Those professional experiences and my love of travel – I have been three weeks in xxx and one week in xxx – helped me improving my English. Another one of my hobbies is workout. It is helpfull both for relaxing and stay healthy, which is really important in such an industry.
In ten years, I would like to lead or possesse a luxury hotel, anywhere in the world, that I would like to discover. Both those goals could be achieved by studying International Hospitality and Tourism Management.
Moreover, I am a well-organized, hard-working, studious, enthousiastic and dedicated to my studies person and I think that it could help me to get into this course at your university.
Merci beaucoup, bonne soirée !
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 04-01-2017 22:35
Réponse : Correction/ Cover letter de bluestar, postée le 05-01-2017 à 15:23:10 (S | E)
Bonjour..
Errors in blue,some suggestions in green
As far as I can remember, I have always been interested in the Hospitality Industry (pas de majuscules) for its great variety and the contact it provides with people, both team and guests.
I have therefor decided to get into a one-year preparatory class in 2014 in XXX College – adress – before starting a two year college technical degree in Hospitality and Catering in the same school, I am currently a second-year student through distance learning programmes. Those studies gave me the essential knowledges,(singulier) the sense of hospitality and the curiosity to learn more that I think will help me for my future career.
While I was studying, I choosed to get a student job as a waitress for both financing my studies and learning more about the industry. I also had two internships included in my education.
For the first one, I was hired as waitress, chambermaid, housekeeper and restaurant greeter, each one during one month, at the XXX – adress. It gave me autonomy and made me realize it was easy for me to blend into teams and to adapt to the industry. All that made me even more enthousiastic about the hospitality industry. Moreover, it helped me choosing (l'infinitif va mieux) hospitality rather than catering. Indeed, to me, Hospitality industry gives great opportunities to evolve in my career. Besides, this porfessional sector is related to design that is one of my interests.
Then, I decided to dedicate my second internship to Hospitality. I was hired to be housekeeper during sixteen weeks in XXX – adress. There, I noticed how satisfaying it was to challenge, analyse and solve guests complains and I realized that I was able to lead and to get on well with a team easily. Indeed, the bigest part of my work as housekeeper was to manage a team of six chambermaids by motivating them and making them provide quality work with a pre-work briefing. As I used to control their work, I can say that it produced positive response.
Those professional experiences and my love of travel – I have been three weeks in xxx and one week in xxx – helped me improving (l'infinitif) my English. Another one of my hobbies is workout. It is helpfull both for relaxing and stay (verbe-ing) healthy, which is really important in such an industry.
In ten years, I would like to lead ('manage' serait mieux) or possesse a luxury hotel, anywhere in the world, that I would like to discover. Both those goals could be achieved by studying International Hospitality and Tourism Management.
Moreover, I am a well-organized, hard-working, studious, enthousiastic and dedicated to my studies (dedicated suffit) person and I think that it could help me to get into this course at your university.
Réponse : Correction/ Cover letter de meuge, postée le 05-01-2017 à 15:43:33 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !
Je corrige.
Les formules de politesse correctes sont bien ? :
"Subject : Application for an International Hospitality and Tourisme Management Bachelor’s degree
Dear Sir or Madam,"
....
"Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your answer about this opportunity.
Sincerely "
Encore merci, bonne après-midi
Réponse : Correction/ Cover letter de bluestar, postée le 05-01-2017 à 17:39:37 (S | E)
Bonsoir..
"Subject : Application for an International Hospitality and Tourisme Tourism Management Bachelor’s degree
Dear Sir or Madam," OK
....
"Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to your answer about this opportunity your reply
Sincerely " Ok
Réponse : Correction/ Cover letter de meuge, postée le 05-01-2017 à 19:02:45 (S | E)
Super ! merci du fond du coeur !
Bonne soirée !
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